Wednesday, July 05, 2017

UPDATE

Just checking in so they don't shut me down.



Check out the new stuff: OrGiveMeDeath.com

Monday, January 02, 2017

Moving On


We've moved into some sweet new digs for 2017.  Check out Or Give Me Death Industries' new home at the same address:  www.orgivemedeath.com

New flashy site, same old inactivity.

Friday, July 08, 2016

Coming Soon...


Or Give Me Death Industries proudly presents new author Don M. Patterson's Sierra Blanca, the first ever (as far as we know) Cold War Western.  Stay tuned.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

FOR SALE BY OWNER

A Statement From Management

This January, the world of satirical journalism was rocked when industry leader The Onion was purchased by Univision Communications.  Now, because Univision is co-owned by Clinton's top donor, Haim Saban, critics are accusing The Onion of running pro-Hillary Clinton propaganda.  

For ten, non-consecutive years, Or Give Me Death has sought to intermittently bring you top quality, competitive satire, but The Onion has always remained the gold standard.  I am not here to disparage them in any way.  Far from it.  In fact, I once again want to emulate their winning formula.  I'm putting us up for sale.

For the right price, you too can have thinly veiled, mildly humorous propaganda custom made to fit your campaign needs.  Hell, I'm even flexible on the name. (Or Give Me Trump?).  So if reaching out to the cynical voter is in your national media strategy, contact me and we can make a deal.  It's going to be a great deal, you're going to love it.

UPDATE:  This is satire.  

Monday, August 31, 2015

Amazon Delivery Drones Barred From Carrying Lethal Weapon


31 August, 2015 (Washington, DC):   Federal Aviation Administration regulators ruled Monday that online mega retailer Amazon will be barred from equipping its proposed delivery drones with copies of the 1987 hit action comedy Lethal Weapon.  An FAA advisory committee cited unspecified safety concerns in reaching its decision.

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos blasted the ruling, accusing of the FAA of once again being out of step with advances in technology.  An FAA spokesperson said new rules will not apply to the movie's sequels as the agency could not foresee a scenario where such a ban would matter anyway.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Houston Astros Now Exclusively Courting Ironic Fans

19 August, 2013 (Houston, TX):  The Houston Astros front office has a bold new approach to winning: don't.  The ball club has mired in mediocrity over recent seasons but market research suggests a new breed of ironic fans are keeping ticket sales afloat - and management is looking to cash in.

"Our new target fan isn't all that interested in the outcome of the game," said new President of Baseball Operations, Reid Ryan.  "If [winning] is the only thing you're interested in, go see the Texans.  Our fans care more about the atmosphere, the aesthetics, and having a good time."

These new fans, mostly millennials, are showing up by the dozens to "root" for their favorite team.  Fans like Brooklyn transplant Teena Robinson, 23, are just the type the Astros hope to woo.  "My friend was like, 'wouldn't it be funny to go to an Astros game,'" recalls Robinson, "and I was like, 'are they still even, like, a team?  But the game was totally fun, I think, I don't really remember how it ended.  Also, the stadium has wi-fi and it's quiet so I actually got a lot done."

Astros marketing first noticed the trend of ironic fandom on social media in 2011 and were quick to capitalize.  "We're doing what we can to keep these new young fans digging our team," says owner, Jim Crane.  "We went with the retro look this year, you know the kids eat that up.  I mean, have you seen that blue number? You buy a jersey like that I bet you get a free PBR."

Longtime fans have also found an appreciation for the Astro's unconventional approach.  "I really prefer their old stuff," says lifelong fan Chuck Bennison, "but the ridiculously low payroll really gives the team indie cred.  They just signed these two obscure players from Mexico City; they're really big down there.  You probably haven't heard of them.  Plus, we got a kid named Hoes, how great is that?"

Looking to 2014, management has indicated it's commitment to the lovable loser status by trading off any players with potential to sell out and start winning.  "Part of our appeal involves staying out of the mainstream," says Crane, "so don't expect to see this team on television anytime soon."