Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Or Give Me Death at Fifteen


[Cue bed music]

​Fifteen years ago, a pick-up truck was spotted in an El Paso parking lot with a bumper sticker reading “GiveMeLiberty.com”. The aspiring, phony publisher who saw the sticker for the rambling and seemingly illegal political fundraising operation immediately wondered, “is the other half taken?” It wasn’t. And while financial constraints stalled the acquisition of the proper domain until 2008, OrGiveMeDeath[.blogspot.com] officially launched on September 15, 2005.

GiveMeLiberty.com is long abandoned while OrGiveMeDeath.com now celebrates its crystal anniversary. Fifteen years makes us a “legacy” website akin to Google, Twitter, or GeoCities. The internet was a different place in 2005. In that short and undeserved era of the blog, Or Give Me Death separated itself from the field of earnest logs of perspective by making up fake news - something far less controversial at the time. The site was inspired by that true institution of fake news and satire: The Weekly World News. Truly, we lost a piece of America when we stopped receiving Bat Boy updates at the grocery check out.

To date, the most read piece on the site (and likely the most read thing ever written by this author) was a fake news gem from 2008: “1884 Adult Film Now Earliest Known Motion Picture.” That story continues to draw clicks as it shows up in search results for the earliest known motion picture; now that’s fake news with results!

When the fake news wells went dry, management pivoted to the even more saturated market of publishing. In 2012, the reborn Or Give Me Death Industries released its first print offering, a tight novella, Rhodium. Readers like you have helped make this cryptic book the 2,612,671st best selling book of all time on Kindle. Good work, gang.

After a couple of hit or miss fake news offerings came the first true book in the OGMD Ind. catalog, 2016’s Sierra Blanca by award finalist author Don M. Patterson. Released to some critical acclaim, the thrilling novella continues to be a selling book on the internet.

And now, Or Give Me Death Industries takes another blind leap into an overdone market, well passed peak profitability: comic books. Freddy Reno Went Missing Issue no. 1 is available online and will be available in print on IndyPlanet.com.

Who knows what lies ahead for Or Give Me Death Industries? There is an honest to goodness novel on the way and a strong probability the Reno series will be finished. Or, maybe I’ll just do nothing. This site has a proud tradition of going on hiatus. Maybe I’ll start a podcast in 2030. Until then, buy and read all of the merchandise available on this ad-free website.

Wednesday, July 05, 2017

UPDATE

Just checking in so they don't shut me down.



Check out the new stuff: OrGiveMeDeath.com

Monday, January 02, 2017

Moving On


We've moved into some sweet new digs for 2017.  Check out Or Give Me Death Industries' new home at the same address:  www.orgivemedeath.com

New flashy site, same old inactivity.

Friday, July 08, 2016

Coming Soon...


Or Give Me Death Industries proudly presents new author Don M. Patterson's Sierra Blanca, the first ever (as far as we know) Cold War Western.  Stay tuned.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

FOR SALE BY OWNER

A Statement From Management

This January, the world of satirical journalism was rocked when industry leader The Onion was purchased by Univision Communications.  Now, because Univision is co-owned by Clinton's top donor, Haim Saban, critics are accusing The Onion of running pro-Hillary Clinton propaganda.  

For ten, non-consecutive years, Or Give Me Death has sought to intermittently bring you top quality, competitive satire, but The Onion has always remained the gold standard.  I am not here to disparage them in any way.  Far from it.  In fact, I once again want to emulate their winning formula.  I'm putting us up for sale.

For the right price, you too can have thinly veiled, mildly humorous propaganda custom made to fit your campaign needs.  Hell, I'm even flexible on the name. (Or Give Me Trump?).  So if reaching out to the cynical voter is in your national media strategy, contact me and we can make a deal.  It's going to be a great deal, you're going to love it.

UPDATE:  This is satire.  

Monday, August 31, 2015

Amazon Delivery Drones Barred From Carrying Lethal Weapon


31 August, 2015 (Washington, DC):   Federal Aviation Administration regulators ruled Monday that online mega retailer Amazon will be barred from equipping its proposed delivery drones with copies of the 1987 hit action comedy Lethal Weapon.  An FAA advisory committee cited unspecified safety concerns in reaching its decision.

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos blasted the ruling, accusing of the FAA of once again being out of step with advances in technology.  An FAA spokesperson said new rules will not apply to the movie's sequels as the agency could not foresee a scenario where such a ban would matter anyway.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Houston Astros Now Exclusively Courting Ironic Fans

19 August, 2013 (Houston, TX):  The Houston Astros front office has a bold new approach to winning: don't.  The ball club has mired in mediocrity over recent seasons but market research suggests a new breed of ironic fans are keeping ticket sales afloat - and management is looking to cash in.

"Our new target fan isn't all that interested in the outcome of the game," said new President of Baseball Operations, Reid Ryan.  "If [winning] is the only thing you're interested in, go see the Texans.  Our fans care more about the atmosphere, the aesthetics, and having a good time."

These new fans, mostly millennials, are showing up by the dozens to "root" for their favorite team.  Fans like Brooklyn transplant Teena Robinson, 23, are just the type the Astros hope to woo.  "My friend was like, 'wouldn't it be funny to go to an Astros game,'" recalls Robinson, "and I was like, 'are they still even, like, a team?  But the game was totally fun, I think, I don't really remember how it ended.  Also, the stadium has wi-fi and it's quiet so I actually got a lot done."

Astros marketing first noticed the trend of ironic fandom on social media in 2011 and were quick to capitalize.  "We're doing what we can to keep these new young fans digging our team," says owner, Jim Crane.  "We went with the retro look this year, you know the kids eat that up.  I mean, have you seen that blue number? You buy a jersey like that I bet you get a free PBR."

Longtime fans have also found an appreciation for the Astro's unconventional approach.  "I really prefer their old stuff," says lifelong fan Chuck Bennison, "but the ridiculously low payroll really gives the team indie cred.  They just signed these two obscure players from Mexico City; they're really big down there.  You probably haven't heard of them.  Plus, we got a kid named Hoes, how great is that?"

Looking to 2014, management has indicated it's commitment to the lovable loser status by trading off any players with potential to sell out and start winning.  "Part of our appeal involves staying out of the mainstream," says Crane, "so don't expect to see this team on television anytime soon."