Thursday, November 08, 2007

From the Sports Desk
an editorial

Seventeen months and 26 Brett Favre interceptions have passed since my last post. While I was out the Democrats took power, North Korea got the bomb and Pluto was kicked out of the solar system. What a memorable and terrifying year. Who could forget where they were when they heard the news that Canada had defeated the United States 15-11 in the 2006 World Lacrosse Championship; marking only the second time the US failed to reach gold? As I've warned in the past, losing global sports hegemony will cost us our stature on the world stage.
However, it is a much more joyous and monumental occasion that has brought me out of hiatus. As first predicted here over two years ago, Brett Favre has shattered the all-time NFL record for interceptions thrown. Favre passed George Blanda's previous record of 277 in record time by reaching the record in just 17 seasons, compared to Blanda's 26. This is a historical occasion that is going widely unreported by the major media who continue to verbally fellate the aging QB on a weekly basis.
In the summer of 2005, I predicted [on a now defunct myspace blog]that Favre would break the record in 3 seasons. When OrGiveMeDeath got started the counter had Favre at 11th all-time. Now, at the halfway mark of the third season, OrGiveMeDeath has cemented its reputation as a premier prognosticator in the sports blogosphere. Who else could have had the keen insight to extrapolate basic statistical data to make a simple projection? Not ESPN. Not Sports Illustrated.
This development does raise a few questions about the blog's future. Is the counter still relevant? Yes. It stands as a tribute to the Ironman's accoplishment and also as a challenge to the Eli Mannings and Rex Grossmans of the world. One editorial decision I've come to after much soul searching is to refrain from writing a new headline story every time Brett Favre breaks his own interception record. While doing so would ensure new material for the foreseeable future, I've been told that it may get tiresome.
The final question is whether this event will end my hiatus indefinitely. At the time I abandoned this project like a bastard child it was at the top of the blogosphere with readership knocking on the dozens. Now, with single digit readership and motivation waning, where do we go from here? Blogs were so 2006 anyway, they're a passing fad and it's time to grow up America.

Good luck and go USA,


Lycanthropy remains disputed

8 November, 2007 (Boulder, CO): A new study by the University of Colorado's Center for Astrophysics and Space Astronomy (CASA) has found that moonlight poses a greater threat than sunlight but that the threat is diminished due to the moon's small size. According to the recent report, Your Moon and You: What You Didn't Know About the Moon, exposure to direct moon light greatly increases the risk of developing basal cell carcinoma (BCC), the most common form of skin cancer. However, the report also stated that the moon poses no threat due to it's small size, weak light and regular phases. Astronomer and moon-enthusiast Dr. Lon Endore summarized the findings by stating that the moon was the "daddy-long-legs of space." When asked to clarify, Dr. Endore said,"the daddy-long-legs has enough poison to kill you, but has fangs too small to deliver the poison, so too does the moon have enough energy to kill you, but sadly cannot."
Critics were quick to point out flaws in the study; namely, that moon the produces no light of its own. In an interview with NPR, Dr. Guy Cheney of CASA responded, "of course we know the moon makes no light, but it's like skiing bro. You get a worse sunburn from the snow than the sun, the moon is like the snow. Why do you think the Apollo astronauts wore those big suits?" Critics have yet to respond.