Thursday, February 23, 2006

Things I've Predicted

-VP shooting spree:
What I said:So until Cheney, or some future VP, flips out and decides to start taking out political rivals in shoot-outs, Aaron Burr will remain the most interesting Vice President this country has ever seen. - 11/30/05

What Happened: Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a companion during a weekend quail hunting trip in Texas, spraying the fellow hunter in the face and chest with shotgun pellets.

-Favre INTs:
What I said: Currently, Favre is 51 picks short of the record, based on his average he should reach the record in 3 seasons, will he stay in? Time will tell. - 8/17/05. [Let's not forget about the counter I've had since day one.]

What Happened: Brett Favre finished the season with a career high 29 interceptions as he surpassed greats like Dan Marino to become the number 6 all-time interception thrower.

-The NCAA Football National Championship:
What I Said: Texas will pull off the upset and get the national title for the first time since 1970. - 12/12/06

What Happened: Texas wins the Rose Bowl and the National Title - 1/4/06

-The World Series:
What I Said:But the Astros are moving on up and will hopefully play another "cursed" team, the Chicago White Sox. That's my prediction for this year: Sox and 'Stros. - 10/6/05

What Happened: The Astros defeated the Cardinals to advance to their first World Series. The White Sox advanced to their first World Series since 1919. I forget what happened after that.

What I Did: OrGiveMeDeath breaks the story: SHOCKING DISCOVERY IN THE HEART OF AFRICA - 9/27/05

What Happened: National Geographic breaks this story: Wild Gorillas Use Tools, Photos Reveal - 9/30/05

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

From the Sports Desk
an editorial

Like a blazing comet that passes our way only once every four years, the heart-stopping excitement of international curling competition is back to spread it's unequivocal brilliance to a eager world. Curling? The hell you say! It's true, and as I don't need to tell you, these United States are in it to win it. We got a team of hardcore stoners - you know, the guys who slide the stone down the ice. These stoners have gold medal written all over them. Standing in the way of our American curling dream team are the terrors of the curling world, the mighty Finns. Finland's top stoner is a man as large as his name, 6' 1," Markku Uusipaavalniemi [pictured above]. Weighing in at an impressive 209 pounds, Uusipaavalniemi is nicknamed "U-15" for the number of letters in his surname as well as for the number of illegitimate children he is said to have fathered while on the notoriously wild Finnish curling tour. According to his bio, when this Bill Gates look-a-like isn't dominating the ice he's a self employed computer programmer. America is just a win over Canada and a win over Finland away from taking the gold in the Olympic event known to some as "chess on ice."
Moving on to the only other real reason to watch the winter Olympics, America's hockey performance this year borders on treason. How do you tie Latvia and then lose to Slovakia and Russia?!? The Soviet Union has had it's revenge. But we did get one of theirs in a 4 to 1 beat-down of hockey juggernaut, Kazakhstan. It wasn't the Red Army hockey squad of days past, but we beat the hell out of Trashcan-astan.
But the biggest sports story this month has come from the world of hunting where Dick Cheney blew America's safety record of 201 years without a vice presidential shooting incident. I'd just like to say thank you to Dick Cheney for reading the blog. As the Vice President and maybe three other readers know, I posted a blog in November on the subject of Vice Presidential shootings. In that blog I wrote, "So until Cheney, or some future VP, flips out and decides to start taking out political rivals in shoot-outs, Aaron Burr will remain the most interesting Vice President this country has ever seen." Well, not to be outdone, Cheney has stepped up to my challenge and put himself in the Pantheon of interesting VPs. This incident proves once again how the intrepid OrGiveMeDeath will continue to influence world events; much like how Brett Favre stepped up to the challenge of my INT counter by throwing a career high, league leading amount of interceptions. Kudos to both of you, you're true American legends.
Finally, I would like to address a television ad I recently saw. In their new ads Guinness is encouraging responsible drinking during the "St. Patrick Day Season." St. Patrick Day Season? You mean I don't have to limit my enthusiasms for drinking and wearing green to one day? We have a season now? Hopefully we can take a cue from X-mas and stretch this bitch out for over a month; after all, it is the most wonderful time of the year.

Good luck and Go USA,

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

¡Gu├írdese de los gallos peligrosos!

1 February, 2006 (Donaldsonville, Louisiana): Spectators were shocked when a scene of horrific violence erupted at the Ascension Parish Cockfight Arena late Monday night. Midway thru the main event - a much anticipated match between one undefeated gamecock named Coq Fantastique and a newcomer named Richie - the roosters appeared to lose interest in each other and turned their aggression and their claws on their handlers and the crowd.
One agitated fighting fowl, Richie, fatally clawed his owner's jugular and then proceeded to jump into the crowd. Excited by the hysteria that ensued, other gamecocks broke away from their handlers and attacked the fleeing spectators. In cockfighting - which is legal in Louisiana and New Mexico - spurs are attached to the claws of cocks to ensure a quick, humane fight. The spurs appeared to have been effective Monday night as many fatal wounds were inflicted by the cocks.
The event took an even deadlier turn when a fear-stricken, overzealous security guard began shooting at the birds with his .38 special revolver. The shots were painfully inaccurate and resulted in the deaths of two spectators.
This marks the second deadliest cockfighting related incident in Louisiana since 1814 when a riot broke out after then-General Andrew Jackson's prized cock, Rodolfo, lost in a match to Royal British Army General Sir Edward Pakenham's cock, Claudius. The riot claimed 2,107 lives and was later known as the Battle of New Orleans.