Tuesday, October 25, 2005


25 October, 2005 (Scottsdale, Arizona): An Arizona man is dead today after what appears to have been a botched rescue attempt. Local sporting goods retailer and tattoo enthusiast Jacob Krebs, 26, was found dead in a parking lot early Tuesday morning. According to eye witness and mugging victim Harriet Mann, Krebs was shot late Monday night as he attempted to rescue Mann from a mugging.
Mann described what happened in a statement from her hospital bed where she is recovering from injuries sustained during the incident. "I was heading to my car late after work when this man in a mask came out from the dark," Mann said, "he told me to give him all my money or he'd shoot me." Mann went on to say that as the man reached for his gun a second masked man leaped down from a near by rooftop. "This man come leapin' off this roof like some kinda ninja man and hit his ankle hard and took a spill." The second man was Jacob Krebs.
Krebs' body was found dressed in a ninja style outfit with some body armor. The outfit apparently had a reptile theme that matched tattoos on Krebs' arms. Krebs was armed with several darts with rat poison on the tips and a police baton.
Krebs suffered a broken ankle from the aerobatic leap off the rooftop. Mann went on to say that, "after that guy jumped off that roof and hurt himself that mugger just laughed and laughed." Amused by the would be hero's leap, the mugger proceeded to shoot Krebs once in the forehead and then put the fatal shot into his throat.
Unfortunately for Mann, as her would be rescuer lay dead on the pavement the mugger proceeded to shoot her in the leg and then beat her relentlessly and steal her purse. This appeared to be Krebs' first attempt at crime fighting. No witnesses in the Scottsdale area have recently reported a reptile like ninja saving their lives or preventing crime; nor have any criminals recently been captured or detained by a masked vigilante. Scottsdale officials are urging people not to take justice into their own hands. The mugger has yet to be captured.

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