Tuesday, November 08, 2005

More Monkey Mayhem
a follow up

As first reported by this source several weeks ago, gorillas have grown increasingly intelligent and pose the greatest threat to global human supremacy. Shortly after this blog broke the hard-hitting, and absolutely real story about gorillas using guns, the liberal media began reporting a more p.c. story about gorillas and simple tool use. [Wild Gorillas Use Tools, Photos Reveal] Regardless of whether these apes are using sticks or assault rifles, gorilla intelligence is a menace to decent human society.
Still not convinced? More recently, gorillas have been reported as gaining access to the most dangerous weapon against civilization: reality TV. Reuters has reported that gorillas will soon star in their own reality show on Czech public television. [New reality show with gorillas]
The east-coast, liberal intelligentsia would have you believe that animals are our cuddly friends complete with personalities, feelings, and souls. However, in the wake of endless shark, bee, bear and bobcat attacks and the growing intelligence of gorillas it has become easy to see what our ancestors have known for many millennia, animals are to be feared, eaten, and worn. As gorillas begin to question their role as the number two primate on the planet they could grow subversive to our American way of life. Should they ever decide to rise up against their more successful primate cousin we will be no match for their massive ape strength. Well, in all honesty, only a couple zookeepers would be mauled before the gorillas are shot to death by zoo security; but are we willing to risk one human life?
You can help win the war for human existence by contacting your local butcher shop or deli. Don't be fooled by the ultra-hip, vegetarian elite that plague our college campuses, they are only weakening our species with their meat substitutes. When the animal revolution comes mankind may be too anemic and weak to fend off the waves of bees and gorillas.


Anonymous said...

Although I thought some of the stuff you said was pretty harsh (considering I can kick your ass anytime) I can't stop laughing.

The Godfather said...

I had to ask myself as I stumbled in here...." I must be on some weird drugs because everything I read makes no sense."