Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Running Buddies: Hillary makes an unusual VP proposition

In the wake of Presidential hopeful Sen. Hillary Clinton suggesting her rival Sen. Barack Obama run as her vice presidential candidate and having this offer rejected by the Obama camp, Clinton made an even more unusual proposal Monday while campaigning in Philadelphia;

“We are a house divided. And as we all know, a house divided against itself cannot stand. The red-state/blue-state phenomenon has fractured our country, towns, neighborhoods, and even households. America desires badly to be united again. It is in this spirit, that I proudly extend the invitation for the position of the vice-presidency on my presidential ticket to none other than Senator John McCain of Arizona! Together, John & I will take back America!”

McCain’s campaign manager, Rick Davis, responded to the news with reserved confusion, “I saw that on google news today and frankly, I find it to be insane,” he said in a g-chat interview Tuesday. “For starters, John and that lady are not even in the same party. Secondly, we already have our party‘s nomination for president, while the odds of her obtaining the Democratic nomination are fairly low. Thirdly, how is a guy who did 5 years in the Hanoi Hilton going to spend 9 months on the campaign trail with Hillary? Aye curumba! Yoinks!”

Former president Bill Clinton wasn’t as dismissive of the idea when asked about it at a campaign stop in Mississippi. “Well, this really would be an unstoppable force,” he said. “It is truly a ticket for everyone. She would bring in the liberals, he would bring in the conservatives. She would attract the anti-war, pro-social program people, he would attract the pro-war, anti-social program people. She would appeal to the lesbos, he would do it for the crusty old farts. Really, it’s the only way I see for either to beat Tyler Bell. Very few people would not vote for this ticket.”

Samantha Power, Barack Obama’s foreign policy advisor, disagreed with the Clintons, “This is the most f---ing ludicrous s--- I‘ve heard all f---ing day, what a couple of a--heads…that‘s off the record by the way.”

As for Senator McCain himself, he had this cryptic response at a press conference in New York. “Well, I‘m still examining all the angles at this point. Checking them all out, considering all the possibilities. Yep, that‘s the way to do it. That's the way to get em' good.”

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