Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Life Aint Nothin' but Money & Bitches


From the Sports Desk
dog show analysis

With football season now gone and baseball season still over a month away we can turn our attention to the cream of the sporting world: the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. This year's crowd favorite is Uno the beagle. America loves an underdog, and this underdog just happens to be an actual dog; what's not to love? But the elitist, terrier-hugger judges have never allowed a beagle to win the second oldest event in sports. These ivory tower caninophiles continue to pick style over substance and deny a good, honest, American dog like the beagle top prize. Does not every dog deserve its day? Look at this dog people! You're telling me some French dog with a perm deserves the prize over this? Ridiculous.
Even though Uno has already won the hound division - the first beagle to do so since 1939 - the odds makers at the Wynn Las Vegas don't give him a chance to win Best in Show. Rather than give odds on individual dogs, the lazy bookies at the Wynn give odds based on breeds. Evidently, making a money line for 2,627 dogs is too much to ask of a billion dollar casino. The favored breed is the standard poodle at 25-1; the beagles don't even break the top 6. Unfortunately, the line is purely entertainment and they're not taking bets - apparently neither is my bookie, you should have seen the look on his face when I tried to lay down five large on that beautiful beagle.
I smell an upset, bigger than the Giants over the Patriots. History is being made in 2008. Ad agencies need to forget about the Mannings and jump on the Uno bandwagon; I much rather see this dog overexposed and in too many commercials. I bet he can even host Saturday Night Live and make it worth watching.

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