Our Crazy World

From the National Affairs Desk
news in brief

We begin with the always exciting world of presidential betting lines where newly announced candidate Ralph Nader is shaking things up at the bottom of the list. Debuting at number 6 with 100-1 odds, this independent candidate is tied with cult phenomenon Ron Paul and has already jumped out way in front of Democratic hopeful Mike Gravel. His campaign is bound to take off and plow thru the competition like a Corvair with no brakes. Also worth note is Huckabee's drop to 50-1. These odds seem a bit generous to me, considering the fact that he's mathematically out of the delegate race. Huckabee's strong odds have less to do with his campaign or his showing in the upcoming primaries and everything to do with the fact that the only man standing between him and his party's nomination is 71 years old.


In Cuba, Reuters is reporting that the young people of Cuba are unhappy, but certainly not shocked, with the selection of Raul Castro, Fidel's brother, as the next president. Apparently, the youth of Cuba haven't learned anything from their fancy re-education schools and still want blue jeans, iPods and the freedom to buy them. The youth are particularly upset that fringe Cuban libertarian candidate Ron Pablo was totally overlooked - and later imprisoned.



In Germany, police dogs in the western city of Duesseldorf will now be wearing shoes, according to a police spokesperson. The shoes are necessary due to a high number paw injuries, especially injuries caused by broken glass. When asked how the dogs are taking to the shoes the police spokesperson said, "I'm not sure they like it, but they'll have to get used to it." Spoken like a true German. What happened to you Germany? I mean, c'mon, dog shoes? What happened to the scary Nazi dogs? How are you going to intimidate drunken soccer rioters when your dogs are wearing slippers?

In Sports

The Florida Marlins are assembling an all-male, plus-size cheerleading squad to be dubbed the Manatees. I know nobody goes to Marlins games as it is, but honestly, is this some kind of Major League situation where the owner's trying to sink the team on purpose? The only overweight men working for a baseball team should be knocking in homers or juiced up on the mound.